closure

i've been stuck in relationship purgatory for some time now. i know all of the tired post-relationship cliches. the ones i've heard most often are "it just takes time" and "you just need to meet someone new." well, i don't have time - i'm in school and i need my brain back. and i don't want to meet anyone new because if i had the time to do that i probably wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.
for the past three months or so, i've been beating myself up over it. what could i have done differently? is it really over? was it real or just a figment of my imagination? then other folks start popping up - old crushes, exes, friends that would've been crushes if it weren't for the exes, etc. then i get to thinking about all the people i dropped like a bad habit for getting in the way.
today, i finally had an epiphany - one of those moments when you actually come to believe something that part of you knew was true all along.
transience. people come and go. be they lovers, friends, or acquaintances. this is hard for me to deal with because i'm such an introvert. those that know me (there can't be more than 5 people on this planet that can make that claim, and none are related to me), know that the public persona is merely an alter ego. every once in a while, someone comes along and brings me out of my shell. if our paths cross at the right time, there are moments of comfort, support, companionship. it is during these moments that life becomes a bit more meaningful, and for a brief moment i stop trying to take on the world by myself. this connection is a rare and special occurrence. every time it happens, it should be appreciated. no regrets. so in hindsight, i consider myself lucky to have shared my life with another one of the 6 billion souls on this planet. sometimes i let them down. sometimes they let me down. but each of us did the best we could, for ourselves, and for each other. at the end of the day, we're mere humans. every once in a while, my best is not good enough. and neither is theirs. and that is ok.

...that feels better.

"i have no lid upon my head but if i did, you could look inside and see what's on my mind."